Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
