I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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