watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
