we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
