4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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