Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
