Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are we still banned from the library?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
