I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
