It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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