His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
