I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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