I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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