You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I could fuck to npr.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
