The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
