As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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