my mouth tastes like poor choices
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
