I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think my tv is drunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The power of my boobs compel you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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