Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
