We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
