If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
