My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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