I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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