Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
