the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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