i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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