I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
