speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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