how can u be prego again
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
