i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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