I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
