The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
