oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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