Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I want her autograph on my taint
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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