I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
