come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
