Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
