Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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