chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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