piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
