Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
