i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
