It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
