i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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