people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is wine microwaveable?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
