I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
