Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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