ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
