babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
