apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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