I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
