I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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