So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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