:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
