this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
