if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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