I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
