I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
