The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
