The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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