I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
