is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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