he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
