He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
