i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
