remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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