The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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