I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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