please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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