I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
