If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
