just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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