I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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