Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
