i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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