I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
