and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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