My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
