He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
