Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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