Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
