you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
