It's Friday. Sex?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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