I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
