i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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